I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
