i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
