is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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