Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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