worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
