My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
