You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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