That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The air was thick with penises
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
