Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
