u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
