Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
