he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
