pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
