wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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