Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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