I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
