I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
