im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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