I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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