LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
please don't ironically join a cult
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