:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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