How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
