I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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