I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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