You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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