You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
