Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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