Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
