Pappa wants mamma naked
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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