is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
