take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
