Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize