i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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