I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
