Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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