You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
