She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
