Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
