If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
