I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
