just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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