well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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