If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize