Non-Jews are for practice
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
