I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
