I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
