Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
