Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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