dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
