More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
