Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
