I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
