so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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