You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
