i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
