How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
