trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
