he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
