SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
