My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
