this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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