Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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