Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
