Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
