so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
