Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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