WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize