I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
