When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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