guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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