So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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