So drunk, too bad you don't want this
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
