This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
