He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
