i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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