We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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