believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
