I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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