Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
