The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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