she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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