Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
