Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
