Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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