Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
