i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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