I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
