Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
