Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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