You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize