Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
