If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
