And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
