I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
