Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you had me at cake vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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