his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize