I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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