I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
