dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize