I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
im on a boat
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