if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
